4. How do people perceive you? What do they base these perceptions on? What do you think about the ways you are seen by others?
I have been through elementary and I have been through high school. The way I am viewed by other people is reflected and determined by the way I look. I believe that people look upon me as an Asian American, not an American citizen. What I have to go through while growing up has a lot to do with who I am today and how I am viewed by others. I am viewed by other people by whom I am on the outside, yet that doesn’t reflect on who I really am as an individual person. They only see my outer characteristics, my weird language, and the stereotype of what it means to be Asian. With These sayings I am a person who you can’t just compare to every other Asian they’ve seen, whether it’s from their own experience with Asians, or from the media or from their parents raising them to view me in that way.
I want to explain a little bit of what it means to be an Asian American. America’s society has created its own image of what Asian people are through the media. I am looked upon as a person who must excel at every aspect at school. We drive around in our imported Japanese cars, or we are savages because we eat dog or cats. First of all my family doesn’t eat dog or cat, that source exist only in Laos, the country my parents are from. People eat what they can get their hands on because they are very poor out there, they face extreme poverty, but it doesn’t mean that all Asians eat it. Japanese super cars are just part of Asian culture that got real popular in the U.S., it probably originated from Asia but it also doesn’t mean that I have to own or drive one. I work hard at school because my parents want the best for me, so they push me to motivate me when it comes to education. This goes for every other parent out there who wants the best for their children; it’s just that my parents are pretty strict about it. As for the media, especially Japanese anime has nothing to prove that I’m Asian, like again it’s just a popular fad in our culture. I also think that my language plays a huge role in how people view me.
I speak Laotian because it was the first language that was taught to me. It was the only my parents could communicate with me when I was growing up. And its part of my background and it’s a piece of who I am and where my family originated from. I also use this language to communicate with my other relatives such as uncles, aunties, cousins and the elderly since they don’t speak any English. I do admit that I have a bit of an accent and don’t really sound like the typical average American kid growing up either. I used to be made fun of when I was in elementary, the other kids would laugh and joke about my language because it seemed strange to them. Some of the students look at me as if I was mentally challenged because I had a hard time learning English. Even then I felt deprived of my humanity when other people hear my language it annoys them, they’ll yell or shout in a rude way “speaks some English will you!” I used to really feel offended and ashamed of my own language because it wasn’t quite Chinese, and I used to wish that I was born into a white family. It used to hurt a lot and I would always make a fuss about it to my brothers and friends. Today I embrace it only because besides my memories and language, it is all I have left of me as an Asian American. While every day I don’t speak it, it fades away slowly as I become more Americanized. I think to myself it wouldn’t matter if I was some other ethnic while growing up because it’s just how people view me in this society.
I remember back in high school, my appearance made a big difference to the how other students thought of me. I didn’t have fancy clothes because I couldn’t always afford new shoes, new clothes, or backpack. It also had to do with who I hung out with and felt comfortable around. Since in my high school there seemed to be a growing problem with gangs, I was labeled a person who associated with ABZ commonly own as an Asian gang who represented the color blue. My slanted eyes, my light skin, my short height, and the way I spoke are just factors for other students to use and continue to believe about the stereotypes of who I am inside and out.
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Hey roger...
ReplyDelete1.Thesis statement: "The way I am viewed by other people is reflected and determined by the way I look".
2. Evidence stated: he fully states eveidence for his thesis "They only see my out characteristics, my wierd language, and the stereotype of what it means to be asian." he used to get made fun of in elementary school, other kids would laugh and joke about his language because it sounded funny to them."I didn't have fancy clothes because I couldn't always afford new shoes, new clothes, and a new backpack.'my slanted eyes, light skin, short height, and the way I spoke are just factors that would compare him to a stereotype.
3. Writer's reasoning/critical thinking: Critical thinking is cited: "I used to get really feel offeneded and ashamed because of my own language... Even then I felt deprived of my humanity when other people would hear my language because it annoys them.
4. Counter-claims:are cited you fully use eveidence with reasoning...when you spoke of the two paragraphs that targeted you ethnicity and language.
5:What else could be cited as evidence: Say more about your apperance meaning Clothes and accesories and how this reflected on you as a kid growing up. How did you feel? Give an example....
6. What counter-claims need to be made: Say more about high school.. and how kids treated u based on your clothes...
7. All and all this is a great paper you have a great thesis statement wich leaves it pretty open to wide variety of differnt subjects to talk about but I would say more in each of your paragraphs...give more examples maybe about your indiviualism and how this has made u become the person you are today..maybe why? You are a really good writer Roger...hopes this helps and thanks for sharing..always a privlidge...:)
Roger, haven't forgotten about you. Working on your review...
ReplyDeleteRoger, I suggest you cut and paste my comments into a word document. My review process is probably confusing. Thanks for letting me read and review your essay. It's a great essay.
ReplyDelete4. How do people perceive you? What do they base these perceptions on? What do you think about the ways you are seen by others?
Roger, my method for going through your essay is to go sentence-by-sentence, so capture the essence of each one, and to potentially categorize them. I just want you to know what I hear and think as I read it, so you can make decisions about things like, “did Patrick understand what I was saying? Does this sentence belong in this paragraph or another? Etc. In general, I find your essay to be powerful and moving. You present amazing insight and share very meaningful and perhaps scary things. I like it as it stands, in many ways, but, anyhow, here goes. I’m no expert, by the way. Not by a long shot…
Paragraph One
I have been through the elementary school and I have been through high school systems here in the United States.
Establishes that you are educated in the normal way (in the united states). What is implied (but not stated) is that you are articulate and not to be underestimated when you spoeak or write.
The way I am viewed by other people is reflected and determined by the way I look. I believe that people look upon me as an Asian American, not an American citizen. Rather than people seeing that you are an educated and articulate individual, they see how you appear, and use that to judge many things, including your education, as stated in sentence one. This is your thesis, so far as I can see. It’s a strong, decisive statement.
What I have to go through while growing up has a lot to do with who I am today and how I am viewed by others. Gives the reader a sense of what is to come in the rest of the essay.
I am viewed by other people by whom I am on the outside, yet that doesn’t reflect on who I really am as an individual person. Restates the perspective that people view you from the outside, and, second statement, states that you are a person who is distinct from either race, or any other stereotype that people may place upon you when they view you from the outside.
They only see my outer characteristics, my weird language, and the stereotype of what it means to be Asian. Retsates the previous sentence in a stronger and more specific way. Develops the concept. Pulls the reader into your discussion. Makes the reader want to hear more about it.
With tThese sayings I am a person who you can’t just compare to every other Asian they’ve seen, whether it’s from their own experience with Asians, or from the media or from their parents raising them to view me in that way. A restatement of the thesis and the rest of the paragraph. It’s strong. I think this sentence needs to be reworked a little. I had to spend a long time to understand what it meant.
Paragraph one, overall is a very strong beginning. I like it. It sets the tone for the rest of the paper. There’s very little to criticize about it. Just rework the last sentence a little. Don’t lose any of its meaning, because it’s all important. Great opening paragraph.
Paragraph Two
I want to explain a little bit of what it means to be an Asian American. America’s society has created its own image of what Asian people are through the media. Perfect. You start the second paragraph with a general discussion about the experience of what it means to be Asian-American. Great transition
I am looked upon as a person who must excel at every aspect at school. Perhaps you should say something like, “I, as an Asian American, am looked at…” to keep with the theme established in the first sentence, that you are describing the general experience of Asian Americans in America.
We drive around in our imported Japanese cars, or we are savages because we eat dog or cats. This is a really powerful and important sentence.
First of all my family doesn’t eat dog or cat, that source exist only in Laos, the country my parents are from. A strong response to that last sentence. Excellent.
People eat what they can get their hands on because they are very poor out there, they face extreme poverty, but it doesn’t mean that all Asians eat it. Another very strong sentence. These past three sentences are really powerful.
Japanese super cars are just part of Asian culture that got real popular in the U.S., it probably originated from Asia but it also doesn’t mean that I have to own or drive one. Another powerful sentence. It says something like, “hey, you’re Asian, why don’t you behave like one? Stay Asian and don’t try to be American. This sentence develops another theme than the dog and cat one. The theme being, “Don’t try to be American” and that people don’t want you to be American. It’s different than the dog and cat one, because it has to do with what you experience when you are expressing your individuality, as opposed to what people think about your supposed culture an background.
I work hard at school because my parents want the best for me, so they push me to motivate me when it comes to education. I think that you are speaking about the stereotype that all Asians are good at school, as though there is some inate difference between Asians and other people, because in Asians often do well at school. In the sentence, you are saying, “hey, I’m no different, I just work hard because my parents have been really involved in making me to do well. This would be true of anybody, Asian, white, black, Hispanic, Arabic, whatever.” Is that what you are saying here? If so, flesh it out a bit.
This goes for every other parent out there who wants the best for their children; it’s just that my parents are pretty strict about it. Oops… you did. Forget my last comments
As for the media, especially Japanese anime has nothing to prove that I’m Asian, like again it’s just a popular fad in our culture. Like the cars. By the way, my kids have got me hooked on some anime and manga stuff. I’m not into the really intense stuff, but, I think that (you may think this is silly) I think Miyazaki is incredible. The best animated films ever made, by anyone, ever. Pixar and all that other stuff is no where near to Miyazaki. I wish he would produce more. I think it is really beautiful.
I also think that my language plays a huge role in how people view me. This is important. And it needs specific examples and more development. Maybe it belongs in paragraph three.
Paragraph Three
I speak Laotian because it was the first language that was taught to me. Clear concise statement.
It was the only my parents could communicate with me when I was growing up. Clear reasoning.
And its part of my background and it’s a piece of who I am and where my family originated from. Clear reasoning.
I also use this language to communicate with my other relatives such as uncles, aunties, cousins and the elderly since they don’t speak any English. This and the other sentences since the beginning of paragraph three are a solid statement of the source of your ability to speak Laotian, and why you speak it. Is there any pride in being able to speak Laotian? Or is it something to just be a target for people who don’t understand.
I do admit that I have a bit of an accent and don’t really sound like the typical average American kid growing up either. This is a new point, from the previous four sentences, and moves nicely forward, away from them.
I used to be made fun of when I was in elementary, the other kids would laugh and joke about my language because it seemed strange to them. Great statement sharing insight into how you have been perceived and why.
Some of the students look at me as if I was mentally challenged because I had a hard time learning English. Another great statement.
Even then I felt deprived of my humanity when other people hear my language it annoys them, they’ll yell or shout in a rude way “speaks some English will you!” Relates specific examples of how people have treated you. This sentence is different than any others that you have written, because it gives an actual example of people’s behavior toward you, as opposed to what you have done in the earlier paragraphs/sentences, where you just peak in a general sense. I think that this sort of sentence is important.
I used to really feel offended and ashamed of my own language because it wasn’t quite Chinese, and I used to wish that I was born into a white family. A powerful sentence, indicating how you felt because of the language issues.
It used to hurt a lot and I would always make a fuss about it to my brothers and friends. A powerful sentence, as well. Same comment as the one above.
Today I embrace it only because besides my memories and language, it is all I have left of me as an Asian American. This is the first sentence of its kind in your essay so far. A positive statement about your Asian heritage. Are there other people who appreciate your asian heritage, or, is it all negative? I like that you are Laotian, for example. Your essay is powerful, and it helps me to understand a few things about myself, about you, about society. I’m sorry that your experience has been so sad. It’s like that discussion we had about stereotypes in class. How do we break down the barriers. I am grateful that you have written this essay.
While every day I don’t speak it, it fades away slowly as I become more Americanized. Maybe new paragraph for this one? It’s a change from the last, because it shows how you are changing as life goes on.
I think to myself it wouldn’t matter if I was some other ethnic while growing up because it’s just how people view me in this society. I think that these past two sentences are different from the others in paragraph two. They indicate a maturing attitude about differences in people in society, and they begin to draw on the theme that many people have similar experiences. Maybe they belong in a different paragraph where you develop this theme.
Paragraph Four
I remember back in high school, my appearance made a big difference to the how other students thought of me. Physical appearance.
I didn’t have fancy clothes because I couldn’t always afford new shoes, new clothes, or backpack. And clothing that indicates money or lack of it.
It also had to do with who I hung out with and felt comfortable around. Sentence is a little confusing. “It” should be replaced with more specific nouns about clothes and appearance.
Since in my high school there seemed to be a growing problem with gangs, I was labeled a person who associated with ABZ commonly own as an Asian gang who represented the color blue. Strong sentence that develops the theme about appearance.
My slanted eyes, my light skin, my short height, and the way I spoke are just factors for other students to use and continue to believe about the stereotypes of who I am inside and out. A restatement of the thesis.
I think it’s a great essay, Roger. It’s well organized and has some really powerful stuff in there about the stereotyping that takes place because of your Laotian background. I’m glad that I read it.
Now to the six questions:
1. What is the writer’s thesis? Summarize in one sentence.
People judge Roger by the way he looks, speaks and that he is of Laotian descent.
2. What evidence is cited to prove and support the writer’s thesis? What pieces of evidence are cited from the readings and/or the writer’s observations to support the thesis?
Roger walks through cultural stereotypes, and how his physical appearance affects people’s perception of him. He speaks about how his language affects how people perceive him.
3. Is the writer’s reasoning/critical thinking provided to explain how the evidence proves and supports the thesis?
In some places, yes. In others, no. I have pointed that out in the body text.
4. Does the writer address counter-claims in the essay? Does the writer effectively refute the counter with evidence and reasoning?
Not applicable.
5. What else could the writer cite as evidence in this essay?
I think that the essay is pretty solid. I diod see one area where he might develop one theme that he started on but didn’t go too far with, about how his language is changing and about how things are changing for him because of it.
6. What counter-claims still need to be addressed?
None,
7. Is there any other feedback you want to share?
I think that Roger’s essay is really very powerful. All of my comments are just things to think about, but, I think that it’s well organized and is particularly open about difficult things to talk about. Perhaps it needs a closing paragraph, that sums everything up. That’s it! I hope this helps, Roger. Thanks for letting me read your essay!